TOKYO, Japan – After the smashing success of swimming events in the 2016 Rio Olympics, organizers from the International Olympic Committee are currently analyzing the results in an effort to build on the popularity of the sport.
Jack Hoffman, an engineer of aquatic facility builder Counsilman-Hunsaker, briefly explained the physics involved in making the fastest pools in the world. “As far as pool tech goes, we’ve reached the pinnacle of development,” said Hoffman. “People enjoy the thrill of records being broken every Olympics. Extra viewership equals big money, and we all know how much the IOC loves their Benjamins! In the last eight years, we’ve done all we can to make faster pools. We’ve added extra depth, dropped the water circulation down, and made great strides in gutter design which all factor in to absorb wave reflection and turbulence.”
It was because of this technology apex, explained Hoffman, that lead the IOC to adopt a new idea. “They introduced full length body suits for the Beijing Olympics, but there were too many records being shattered, and the IOC banned them because they weren’t sure how they were going to top that result during future competitions. So in order to level the playing field across the board, the pools in Tokyo will be completely salt water based!”
Ryuki Tanaka, a representative for the IOC in Japan explained the decision. “Look, when we heard that Michael Phelps wasn’t going to be back to compete in Tokyo we needed to do something. If we’re going to lack the financially lucrative storyline of a superior athlete cleaning up on gold medals, then we had to……you know…..slightly edge the next best into the spotlight. The extra buoyancy of salt water pools should propel some other sub par swimmer into World Record breaking times. More money for us, more endorsements for them. It’s win-win!”
When asked for a comment, US swimmer and part time beer bonger Ryan Lochte replied,”Duuuude, that’s totally far out! Maybe I’ll actually be able to break some records rather than do something completely stupid for attention!”