The National Quandary

The National Quandary

Boy Inherits Treasure Chest After Goldfish Dies

Aquarium treasure

In a peculiar series of events, a local boy stands to inherit an entire treasure chest after the last surviving member of a family of Goldfish passed away.

Eight-year-old Kayde Butler, the caretaker of the family, announced the death of Clementine at a press conference. Clementine was found early yesterday morning floating belly up in the luxurious 500-gallon home that he had once shared with his other family members. Local authorities informed TNQ that foul play was not suspected, although there were uneaten food flakes found at the bottom of the home nestled within the rocks.

Mystery and scandal had plagued the family for months and they were popular subjects of national tabloids. The source of the family’s wealth had never been determined as their financial ties have been murky at best. No one had heard of them until they suddenly relocated to Kayde’s bedroom from the ocean. Rumor has it that their vast wealth was dispersed throughout a network of offshore accounts and that their affluence was due to a highly organized cartel of loan sharks.

The family, whose origin was difficult to track because of the lack of a last name, first rose to fame with the high-profile disappearance of two of Clementine’s siblings, Cutie and Peaches. Authorities believed that Oscar, the Butler’s cat, was somehow involved. Although the bodies of the two fish were never recovered, Oscar did receive a suspicious one-time deposit of fresh tuna in his bowl shortly after the disappearance.

From then on, the family became the focus of national intrigue as additional members met their demise in equally questionable methods. Ember, the Father, was mangled in one of the numerous filtration tubes followed by his wife, Pumpkin, who was found on the ground outside of their home in a suspected suicide.

The most bizarre incident involved the double murder of the family’s youngest child, Amber, who was found half-digested in the mouth of their Uncle Cheeto who subsequently choked to death. Law enforcement believed that powerful dissociative drugs or hallucinogens were to blame.

Although no document has been recovered naming Kayde Butler as the official heir of the family’s fortune, the case will go to court next week to be heard by Judge Poseidon who is expected to rule in the caretaker’s favor.

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