The National Quandary

The National Quandary

Couple Found Five Years After Getting Lost Using iOS 6 Maps

The Australian Outback

MELBOURNE, Australia – A couple who went missing five years ago was recently found deep in the Australian outback by park rangers.

William and Chloe Smith had embarked on a weekend getaway to take in a show at the Sydney Opera House in 2012 and never made it to their destination. Friends and family who had reported them missing told the Australian Federal Police that they had recently upgraded their Apple phones to iOS 6, which was the newest operating system at the time. When the regional Deputy Commissioner was told about the missing couple relying on Apple Maps to find their destination he recalled saying, “Right. Well they could be anywhere then.”

According to the phone’s GPS, the couple were led astray around Albury, when instead of continuing a North-Eastern path, Apple Maps directed them towards the North West. Their movements were tracked for the next few hours as they wandered further into the outback before their phone battery died. The Smiths then spent the next five years roaming around the desolate outback landscape to find civilization.

The park ranger who found them reported spotting the mud and dirt covered couple amongst a pack of dingoes that had accepted them as their own. They were busy enjoying a fresh kangaroo carcass when the ranger approached them, took out his iPhone 7 and waved it in the air. The dingoes were startled and ran off, but the Smiths became hypnotized and walked towards the ranger in a zombie like trance where they were easily subdued and lead back to his awaiting patrol vehicle.

“It’s really very sad”, said the ranger. “Apple users are dangerously faithful. Even after an experience like this, they’ll still stick with Apple. I don’t think it’s a stretch to compare it to extreme religious fanaticism.”

The Smiths, who appeared to be 33% slimmer and 50% lighter to their relieved family members, are currently undergoing speech therapy by talking to Siri. They are expected to make a full recovery and will be released shortly after completing Apple Detox classes.

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