The National Quandary

The National Quandary

Gingerbread House Company Sued For Selling Faulty Materials

Gingerbread House

DENVER, CO – A Gingerbread family is suing the the E-Z Bake Housing Company for knowingly including structurally compromised panels and building materials in their pre-fabricated home.

The Crumpet’s, the family seeking damages from the company, enlisted the services of E-Z Bake earlier this year. Their only child, Muffin, was involved in a freak accident in the Spring when an instant coffee truck overturned at high speed and Muffin’s car was coated in the hot beverage. Muffin’s legs were partially dissolved in the ordeal, leaving doctors no choice but to amputate both appendages.

The family didn’t have the financial means to have new legs baked for their child. On the advice of a friend, they enlisted E-Z to build a smaller pre-fabricated home that would be more wheelchair accessible. The problems started shortly after.

In his deposition, Mr. Crumpet chronicled the complications he witnessed before the county judge. The Forman that E-Z Bake assigned was quite belligerent said Mr. Crumpet. He openly vented about his personal problems while on the job site, and was never seen without his flask which contained either Rum and Eggnog or Peppermint Schnapps.

It was during one of these boisterous rants that Mr. Crumpet heard the Forman admit that they had been using expired gingerbread panels and bonbons to complete the development of their new home. Some of the candy cane contractors walked off the site upon hearing this admission, not wanted to be associated with shoddy supplies. To finish the job in time, E-Z brought in extra caramel apple labor.

But, said Mr. Crumpet, it was obvious that there was an overall lack of experience on display with the new employees. Mr. Crumpet testified that they always showed up late, had standoffish attitudes, and didn’t seem to have the necessary skills or tools for the work they were expected to do. It was his assumption, said Crumpet, that they were simply bad apples.

The lack of workmanship became obvious shorty after the Crumpet’s moved in. The gumball and M&M roofing material looked like it had been tossed on with little regard, and the icing started to peel and crack under the pressure of the stale gingerbread. A county inspector had to condemn the new house when a mailman suffered a concussion from a falling gumdrop after knocking on the front door.

The Crumpet’s are seeking punitive damages and are currently residing with the Muffin Man for the remainder of the proceedings.


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