The National Quandary

The National Quandary

Man Still Waiting For Wind To Blow Away Fall Leaves

Leaves on the ground

A neighborhood man, who hates yard labor, is still patiently waiting for Mother Nature to work her magic.

Dennis Eckersley says he knew he was in for extra work this Fall after his neighbors planted a fresh row of mature Maple trees this past summer. The extra privacy was nice said Eckersley, but he knew that Maple trees shed their leaves quicker than a Siberian Husky. He hated raking Fall leaves so much, that his entire yard consists of Evergreens.

But Eckersley, who is an amateur climatologist, thought that he may be bailed out from extra back breaking duties naturally by Mother Nature’s weather patterns. Fluctuations in temperature between the grass and atmosphere, otherwise known as El Hoja, was expected to be significantly stronger this year. Prolonged El Hoja activity usually generates stronger November winds, effectively keeping his yard clear by blowing leaves towards other properties in the neighborhood.

“I thought it would all work out for me.” said Eckersley. “I was going to sit here at my picture window, drinking my Eggnog latte, watch the leaves blow right back into my neighbor’s yard, and laugh!”

Due to possible unaccounted environmental factors, the extra strength El Hoja hasn’t yet had its desired effects. Local hedge trimming has been known to stagnate the outcome of suburban winds as well as any extra concentration of lawn decorations. Eckersley was quick to note that the new pink flamingo army in the Forshaw’s yard may be diverting the desired gusts.

For now, Eckersley has resigned himself to hope that El Hoja will come through. But, he says, he’s giving himself until the first Christmas yard decorations are set up before breaking down and paying the son of the Aberdeen’s to rake leaves for him.


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