The National Quandary

The National Quandary

Manhunt For American Idol Golden Idol

Golden Idol on American Idol

LOS ANGELES, CA – A popular Aztec artist who was tapped to be a judge for song talent show American Idol, is currently sought in connection with unfortunate events that unfolded during the taping of his first episode.

Chachapoyan, who was known by fellow judges as “Chachee”, was popular in his native country of South America not only for being a fertility idol, but also for his sick jungle rhythms. To add some extra international flavor, the producers of the hit show signed him for the upcoming season.

According to eye witness accounts, the show was progressing smoothly until one contestant, Tiki Rodriquez, took that stage. Tiki performed a song from Chachee’s extensive catalog and it was met with vibrant praise from all the judges. Chachee congratulated the Idol hopeful on his bravery to tackle such a complex song and showered unparalleled praise to the singer. Tiki, overridden by his emotions, ran towards the judge’s desk and scooped Chachee up for a hug.

Unbeknownst to Tiki, there was an explicit stipulation in Chachee’s contract that advised show employees and contestants from moving the golden idol from his seat. Sources familiar with the contract said that movement of the idol would be fine if he was replaced with an object of equal weight. The detailing of the worst-case scenario failed to specify the exact weight needed but was believed to be between eight to ten pounds.

Immediately after the embrace, witnesses say that the walls of the studio shook fiercely, and poison darts rained down on the stage. Those that withstood the initial barrage were met with a giant boulder that suddenly entered via the ceiling and rolled across the studio floor.

Fortunately, no one was injured from the boulder, but those who were poisoned by darts are currently experiencing a coma like state. Experts believe the darts were tipped with a rare South American tree frog poison and are currently researching known antidotes.

Witnesses who attended the taping also told police that a mysterious man who called himself Rene Belloq appeared shortly after the incident and promptly removed Chachee from the building before he could be questioned.

Chachee is still at large and authorities are appealing to the public for tips. The taping of American Idol has been suspended until further notice.

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