WASHINGTON, DC – Melania Trump, who has expressed interest in stamping out online harassment, urged survivors of the recent Majory Stoneman Douglas High School shooting to stop scaring gun advocates.
During a press conference, the First Lady stressed that while adults should be able to handle cyber bullying, NRA members have little capacity to deal with such abuse. “We need to learn how to relate to each other,” said Trump. “You survived a school shooting while watching your friends die. A lot of gun advocates barely survived basic training and enjoy posing as war heroes that think they won every medal of distinction possible all without seeing any action but need to keep up the macho facade. Together, we must find common ground!”
The First Lady praised the bravery of the students, but asked them to look a little less intimidating on TV, as unarmed but angry teens with big words are seen as a threat to gun lovers. “These people communicate in their own way. By sharing horribly photoshopped memes, ominous videos, or death threats. Yes, it’s a strange way to get a point across but that’s beside the point. If you could all just act a little bit scared when they do that, I’m sure the rest will just fall into place.”
Melania Trump then told the students that whenever she feels threatened, she just flies somewhere she enjoys, like Monaco or the French Riviera and advised Parkland students to do the same.
Mrs. Trump ended her speech with an inspirational quote that, while sounding wise, felt a little out of context. Fact checkers later confirmed that the passage was quoted verbatim from a speech given four years ago by Michelle Obama.