The National Quandary

The National Quandary

Rotting Pumpkin Declared Neighborhood Annoyance

Rotting pumpkin

LONDONDERRY, NH – A suburb in New Hampshire was in chaos today as the Harrison family has yet to dispose of their Halloween pumpkin.

According to witnesses, the Harrison’s have a history of being proactive with their yard clean up. But their failure to remove their rotting pumpkin has upset residents of the neighborhood.

“I really don’t understand it,” said Buck Davis, a neighbor who still uses Yahoo mail. “Halloween was over two weeks ago, and they still have it sitting there. Does it take that much to just pick the thing up and throw it away? I can feel my property value decrease because of it!”
When asked why he doesn’t just throw the squishy squash away if it bothers him that much, he replied, “Hell no, I’m not touching that thing. Look at it. It’s close to being soup. It’s easier for me to complain about it.”

Geraldine Simmons, who routinely walks her dogs past the Harrison’s house once a day expressed distress as well. “I don’t actually care that the pumpkin is rotting, I just don’t think the orange blends that well with their house colors. I mean the clash makes it look a little too Avant-garde for our neighborhood. They could at least make it face Southwest and Feng Shui it a little.”

During our report, local police were called, and the offending family was reached. Officer Clark gave an explanation in his statement to the press.

“OK, so it seems we have a case of “pass the buck” heeah. Mrs. Harrison told Mr. Harrison to take cah of it, and Mr. Harrison shouted it out to is kids while leaven fo work this morning as well as previous mornings for the last week’o’so. Unbeknownst to him, the idear fell on deaf eahs, as botht is kids were plugged into iPads and ditn’d heeah. I would like all those concerned in the neighborhood to know that I trew the damn thing in the trash myself. So it’s ova. You can all go home. You all need hobbies, and I hate my jahb.”

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