The National Quandary

The National Quandary

Tech Support Rep Asks Old People If They’ve Tried Turning Democracy Off, Back On Again

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WASHINGTON, DC – A calm and patient tech support agent spent ten hours over two days attempting to decode and solve questions that customers had with his software.

The customers, who experts observed to have the collective computer literacy of a turtle, attempted to explain their problems to the agent. Observers informed TNQ that the clients had misplaced or accidently deleted democracy and were attempting to see if it could be recovered.

Witnesses in attendance noticed that some customers, attempting to explain their problem, were struggling with pronouncing words they had never used in their lifetime. Two clients were led to the infirmary with symptoms of lock jaw, presumably from a strained effort to contort their tongues and mouths into unfamiliar combinations. It was widely speculated that the majority of customers had no clue what most of the words they were saying actually meant.

One exchange was recorded between a customer and his eleven-year-old grandson. The boy gave his Grandfather a piece of paper with a written question. Sources say that the Grandfather told the boy he didn’t know what any of this meant. In reply, the boy was quoted as saying, “I don’t care if you know what it means. The tech support guy will. Just ask the question!”

Late into the second day of questioning, the agent felt that he had a good understanding of their problem. He raised his hand and with a cool confidence said, “Did you try turning it off and on again?” A hush fell over the room followed by unintelligible chatter before one of the clients asked,” Ummm….so where is the power button again?”

The agent explained that it could take months to properly demonstrate the process. Regardless, he did advise them to leave it off until November 6th, then call back if the problem didn’t correct itself.

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