The National Quandary

The National Quandary

Trees Arrested For Indecent Exposure

Naked Aspen Trees

A grove of trees, long rumored to be connected to a wide reaching and national sex ring, were arrested for indecent exposure.

Police apprehended members of the Aspen-13 gang of sexually deviant trees in the middle of their perverse annual ritual after a lengthy stakeout that lasted a few weeks. Using special undercover stop motion cameras, local authorities captured video proof of the trees during their prolonged and grotesque strip tease that started around the beginning of October.

Suspects that took part were preemptively identified by the flashing of the group’s gang colors, primarily involving a red, orange, or yellow hue. The trees then initiated their depraved act by subtly dropping leaves one at a time, sometimes more during harsh wind conditions.

The gang of exhibitionists were declared a local menace to society, horribly distracting drivers who would sometimes stop to take pictures of the spectacle or to play in the piles of clothing left behind by the perpetrators.

Although the arrest has been treated as a firm blow to the exploits of the syndicate, authorities are quick to add that the fight is far from over, as membership in the gang has been suspected to involve millions of individuals nationwide.


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