President Trump took time out of his active golfing schedule on Saturday to add birds to his own little world.
Trump, who suggested that “nobody paints like he does. Nobody!”, stroked the oil based birds onto his totally not fake TIME portrait with abstract direction. “They say everything looks better with odd numbers of things.”, said Trump. “But sometimes I put even numbers – just to upset the haters. We want happy paintings. Happy paintings. If you want sad things, watch the news.”
While adding sloping mountains to his own little world, Trump continued narrating in a harsh, denture protruding slur. “I taught my son to paint mountains like these, and guess what? Now he paints the best darn mountains in the industry. Big, beautiful mountains. The best mountains. Tremendous! I really believe that if you practice enough, you could paint the ‘Mona Lisa’ with a two-inch brush. A lot of people say that, I don’t know if it’s true, but a lot of people are saying it. If your brush is that small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee.”
Trump then progressed to highlighting his river with trees and banks using a palette selection of Van Dyke Brown. “Water’s like me. It’s lazy. Boy, it always looks for the easiest way to do things. See how it fades right into nothing. That’s just what you’re looking for. We tell people sometimes: We’re like drug dealers, come into town and get everybody absolutely addicted to painting. It doesn’t take much to get you addicted. Buh-lieve me! This is a happy place. Little squirrels live here and play. And I think, because I have the best thoughts. The best. So good, it’s not even close. We need some crows. That’s where the crows will sit. But we’ll have to put an elevator to put them up there because they can’t fly, but they don’t know that, so they still try. So, you go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is. This is your world. You can have anything you want in your world. You can have a tax plan. A big, beautiful tax plan right there in the corner. If I paint something, I don’t want to have to explain what it is. In painting, you have unlimited power. You have the ability to move mountains. You can bend rivers. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab’em by the puss……Oh…. that’s a crooked tree. We don’t make mistakes. We just have happy accidents. We’ll send him to Washington.”
After finishing his painting, Trump invited TNQ to come back next week where he’ll focus on a portrait of Country Life, including the best techniques to hide a pedophile in the forest of the Senate floor.