The National Quandary

The National Quandary

Woman Who Feels Confident Taking Another Life Buys New House Plant

Woman Who Feels Confident Taking Another Life Buys New House Plant

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – An area woman who has killed hundreds of previous house plants revealed that she is ready to try again.

The woman, admitting that she doesn’t have the greenest of thumbs, felt that she would have a better handle on plant care despite her gruesome history. Citing a long-detailed talk with a nursery employee, she bought a bottle of root stimulator as well as a different kind of dirt containing time release nutrient feed. She also purchased a can with a shower nozzle to make the watering process less stressful on the plant as well as a pot that would aid in draining excess moisture from the dirt.

The woman has also agreed to keep the shades open more during the day for natural light exposure even though it will limit the amount of time she can confidently walk around the house naked. She may even try talking to the plant in a nice positive and nurturing manner, but only when no one else is around because that’s kind of weird.

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